After years of infertility, Jen and Bryan weren’t sure if their hearts could take the potential heartbreak of foster care. But after the successful adoption of their now three-year-old son Shane, they learned the importance of not only loving and supporting the child but doing the same for the child's family as well.
What made the couple seriously consider foster care was reading “Three Little Words,” a memoir about Ashley Rhodes-Courter’s nine-year journey living in 14 foster homes. “That really tugged on our hearts and impacted us,” Jen says. “It made us want to stop the trend of these kids having to go from home to home, and we really wanted to help them to feel attachment and love for their now and for the future.”
Jen continues as one-year-old “Sasha” bounces on her lap in a blue tutu and butterfly top. As much as they liked the idea of helping children reduce early childhood trauma, Jen and Bryan still deliberated carefully with such a big decision. They wondered how fostering would affect their son Shane. How would they navigate a relationship with the birth family? Could they foster if they were working full time and had no family in the area? Bryan shakes his head and smiles. “Five years ago, I didn’t think I could do this, because I assumed, we’d get a kiddo and we would be on our own, good luck.”
They soon learned they would join a supportive community of foster families. While attending an information session for Angels Foster Family Network, Jen and Bryan were impressed by several things. “They didn’t sugarcoat anything or try to sell you a bill of goods,” Bryan says. “They told us everything that was difficult, but also taught us how to handle different situations that might come up.”
At the session, the couple met a current Angels foster parent who shared her experiences, both positive and negative. “A woman told us that she was nervous about interacting with birth parents at first,” Bryan explains. “It was like a load off and I felt like maybe I could do this too. She wasn’t up there saying she was comfortable in every situation and always knew how to interact with people, but she was still able to do it.”
The couple was also pleasantly surprised by how many resources they would receive from Angels, including ongoing education and training, a case manager who does weekly visits and whom they can call any time, and numerous support groups. Bryan explains, “Angels support groups are perfect because there are people like us who have been fostering less than a year, and you have a lot of the same questions and issues, but then there are also people who have been doing this for many years and can step in and tell you, ‘OK, this is what you do.’” With support from their church, family and friends, and the Angels Foster Family Network team, the couple felt ready and able to create a stable and loving home for Sasha and any other foster children in the future.
Bryan and Jen have also learned the importance of sharing their story. “Reading ‘Three Little Words,’ which was from the foster child's perspective, really opened our eyes to the heartache these kids encounter. If we can step in early in their lives and show them love, hopefully it will make a world of difference for them in the future. It was not about our heartache, but about giving these kids a chance at feeling truly loved,” Jen explains. “Hearing other foster families’ stories really encourages us to share our story of how we are willing to take on the heartache of foster care, after the heartache of infertility, because every child deserves love, period.” Their story was shared on a podcast called “The Mustard Seed.”
As for Shane, he loves his role as big brother and received an unexpected bonus: Sasha’s birth family has become a part of their extended family. “Shane gets to attend Sasha’s birth family weekly visits as well, and the aunties play ball with Shane, and we exchanged Christmas gifts this year. I know cases aren’t always like this, but we’ve been really blessed,” Jen says. “We want Shane to learn how to love others no matter what, and to show up for people always, especially when they might need it most.”
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