Brandi and Michael began serving as resource parents with Angels Foster Family Network just a year ago but jumped in by opening their home to three siblings. They also have three children of their own: Caleb, 15, Delilah, 13, and Lydia, 9, affectionally called “The Bigs.”
The Bigs eagerly surround 1-year-old “Buggie,” each waiting a turn to kiss the baby who has adorable cheek dimples and two emerging bottom teeth. She is the youngest of the sibling set called “The Littles,” which include “Jay Bug” and “X-Man,” both toddlers.
The young boys are easing into bedtime by singing the “Itsy Bitsy Spider.” The brothers came into the foster care system together, and Angels soon let Brandi and Michael know that the boys’ mother was pregnant with a baby who would soon need placement in a safe, loving home. The couple eagerly agreed, liking the idea of having a newborn in the house.
“We love these children fiercely and we are setting a good example for our bio children,” says Brandi. “This is a great learning experience that we hope they’ll pull from throughout their lives. None of us will ever regret this.”
The couple shares the same values, though their parenting styles are quite different. “He’s a big kid,” says Brandi as they sit on the couch of their quiet Fallbrook home. “He gets down on the floor to play, builds train tracks, plays cars. I’m more of a read-a-book-and-snuggle mom.”
The Littles are doing well now, remarkably different from when they first arrived. X-Man was prone to violent outbursts and whimpered nonstop. Bedtime was triggering for him. He begged the family, “Don’t hit me!” Jay Bug barely said words when he came into their home. Buggie, the youngest, came to the family straight from the hospital and does not show any signs of behavioral or emotional issues.
X-Man has made great strides in the last year. Brandi says his outbursts have gone from a 10 to 3, but there are still challenges. Last week, his misbehavior cost him a trip to the car wash, a favorite activity among the Littles. And a few days ago, Brandi and Michael’s idyllic vision of a family bike ride was thwarted because of one of X-Man’s outbursts. Each time, the parents patiently explained that behavior comes with rewards and consequences. “It’s not his fault,” explains Michael. “We knew this was the best place for him and that being moved would cause more trauma for him.”
When their Angels Foster Family Network clinical case manager first called Brandi and Michael, she told them that the boys had been at the San Diego County Polinsky Children’s Center for 42 days because X-Man had medical and behavioral issues. (The Polinsky Center provides temporary emergency shelter for children who must be separated from their families for their own safety, or when parents cannot provide care.)
X-Man is fully blind in one eye and visually impaired in the other. Choking up slightly at the memory, Brandi says, “All I could think was these boys have been at Polinsky for 42 days?!” She was already at a Target store parking lot, to meet a family they had just finished providing short-term foster placement for, so she took it as a sign that she should go inside the store and buy two baby car seats.
Brandi and Michael served as resource parents many years ago when they lived in Kentucky, soon after Caleb was born. They are still in touch with a teen they fostered and have fond memories of caring for several infants and toddlers. The couple says that working with Angels has been a better experience than the government agency in Kentucky because they receive great support, including continued education and training. And the fact that they now have children of their own only adds to the experience.
Their son Caleb says he’s learned to be more organized and flexible. Being a resource family has made the couples’ daughter Delilah more appreciative of her own parents. And their youngest daughter Lydia widens her eyes at a memory. “OK, reality is that I need to be cautious about kissing babies too many times because they don’t always like it,” Lydia says. Then she shrugs and says that whenever one of The Littles shows her what they don’t like, she just readjusts. “I just say, all right, let’s try this a different way.”
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