Leo, a precocious third grader, sits on the balcony of the Point Loma townhouse where he lives with his parents, Laura and Zach, and muses about the difference between his expectations and the realities of serving as a resource family. “It always looked like fun to have siblings when I saw families on TV, so I was excited, but I was also a little nervous because maybe a baby would get all of the attention,” he says. The boy is seated between his parents; Laura holds an infant the family calls “Marshmallow Queen” on her lap. She is the family’s first placement with Angels Foster Family Network and has been with them since she was released from the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at Children’s Hospital after a premature birth.
Reaching for the baby’s hand, Leo says, “It can be stressful because she cried a lot at first, but it was worth it.” He says he’s grown more patient over the months. “Now I just pray for her. I say, ‘Sleep, sleep baby, sleep.’”
Laura and Zach say their son is wonderful with Marshmallow Queen, nicknamed for her penchant for a puffy body suit and her regal demeanor. “She is like, ‘I’m ready to receive my bottle now,’” Zach says with a laugh. Both he and Laura say that they started fostering because they wanted to support a young child and his or her birth family as they worked toward reunification. The couple had always wanted to grow their family in a nontraditional way and are strongly guided by their faith. After Zach’s father, Christopher, died in a biking accident, Laura and Zach decided they would honor him by being of greater service in the world. Christopher was a surgeon, who volunteered for causes that promoted social justice and fostering was aligned with those values.
The couple knew that serving as resource parents would benefit infants and toddlers and their birth families. What they didn’t realize was how profoundly the experience would affect them. “I didn’t set out to do this for personal growth,” Zach explains. “I didn’t even know I needed to grow, but I will never be the same. There are new layers of compassion that extend to lots of parts of my life now.” Laura smiles knowingly. “My area of growth is that I’m a Type A personality and a planner, so I’ve had to learn to be more flexible,” she says. “We might hear from the County or the court that something I’d normally want to have a few weeks to prepare for is happening in two days.” Zach adds, “So we say, ‘OK let’s call an audible and rethink Easter and try to have a sense of humor and flexibility.’”
That’s not to say fostering is easy. In fact, the family says it’s often very challenging. They’ve had moments of frustration and burnout but have learned to communicate their needs and reach out for support. They say the training they continue to receive from Angels Foster Family Network is invaluable. They also rely on “respite care,” a unique service provided by Angels for families who want a day off -- or even a few weeks -- to have a family day at an amusement park or vacation out of town. And being part of the Angels community helps them connect with others who understand the unique challenges of fostering.
“In a dark moment, Laura said something to me that really put fostering into perspective for me,” Zach says. “She told me that we have to be willing to let ourselves be a little broken so a child’s broken life can be put back together.” As for Leo, he also keeps his eye on the big picture. When there’s a sleepless night or spilled milk, he just shrugs and says, “Well, that just happened.”
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