Jenifer and Carlos were absolutely, positively not going to foster babies. They had always been service-minded and considered adopting a child once their daughters Emi and Ceci were out of diapers. But fostering was out of the question.
Being resource parents is not for everyone, so Jenifer and Carlos had legitimate reasons for deciding against it. They didn’t want to navigate a relationship with the child’s parents. They feared they wouldn’t be able to love someone else’s baby as deeply as their own children. They wondered how fostering would affect their young daughters and their marriage.
When their good friends decided to foster through Angels Foster Family Network, Jenifer and Carlos knew it would be a perfect opportunity to reaffirm their choice not to foster. “I thought, now we’ll see how terrible it is,” Jenifer says with a laugh.
As the couple sits in their airy Carlsbad home, “Baby A” naps in his crib and Jenifer and Carlos explain how fate intervened to change their minds. “They made fostering look, not easy, but our friends handled the situation with such grace, it seemed possible,” Carlos says.
Jenifer and Carlos figured there was something they must have missed as they observed their friends enjoying fostering. They decided to attend an information session at Angels so they could see for themselves all of the reasons they should not foster an infant or child. Maybe their friends had qualities they didn’t possess. Perhaps they would not qualify. Surely, they would find reasons not to foster once they learned more.
That all changed for Jenifer and Carlos in the middle of the Angels information session. “My heart was pounding because I was so scared, but at the same time it was clear that this was our next step,” Jenifer explains. “I realized that we could stand in the gap, and we could care for children and root for their mothers.”
“I thought, why not us?” says Carlos. “We could give a kid a chance and also help their parents. That really appealed to us.” They say that their fears about interacting with the child’s parents were unfounded. The Angels certification process offers extensive training on managing relationships with parents, but Jenifer and Carlos were fortunate that their case involves a mother who is appreciative of the care her son is receiving. “She knows he’s well cared for and loved, and we want her to succeed,” Carlos says. “We automatically gave her respect.”
The whole family has fallen in love with Baby A. Emi and Ceci, now seven and four respectively, love being big sisters and are learning important lessons about generosity and love. They will miss having Baby A living in their home, but understand that their job is to support the reunification of Baby A and his mother. The same can be said about Jenifer and Carlos’ parents, who are also extremely attached to the baby. They accept that there will be sadness and loss when Baby A returns to his mother, but everyone is deeply gratified to be part of a successful reunification story. “I read something by R. Kent Hughes that applies perfectly to fostering,” says Carlos. “If we want to get through life with a minimum of trouble, all we have to do is wear blinders. But to live a life of fulfillment, we must make our hearts vulnerable.”
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