Rose and Phoebe had just said goodbye to their first Angels Foster Family Network placement when they got a call letting them know a seven-month-old boy needed a loving, stable home. They were open to fostering again, but when they heard how old “AJ” was, they knew it was meant to be.
“AJ’s birthdate was very close to the due date of our pregnancy loss,” Phoebe explains, her voice catching. They have a daughter, seven-year-old Zoe, but later struggled with infertility. “After a while we realized that the reason we had been unable to get pregnant was because there was a child out there who’s meant to be a part of our family that we haven’t met yet.”
The couple understood that fostering meant they would work toward helping children reunify with their families, but also knew their love would have a lasting impact regardless of how long a child was in their care. With their first placement, Rose explains, “We told Zoe that we don’t know what the future holds, but we’re going to offer our best love because Baby AJ’s mommy and daddy were having challenges right now.”
A physician specializing in pediatric rehabilitation, Phoebe had seen many children in the foster care system and saw that there was a great need for loving families like theirs. “We knew there’s a kid out there who needs us, whether they will remember us or not,” says Rose, a chemical engineer who is currently a stay-at-home mother.
AJ’s first 10 weeks with Rose and Phoebe were not easy. “He didn’t make eye contact, he pulled his hair when he was frustrated, and he would scream and refuse to eat,” says Phoebe. They thought AJ might be autistic and reached out to their Clinical Case Manager at Angels for help. She suggested they enroll the support of a Foster Family Agency Stability Team therapist, a no-cost service available to resource parents. These experts specialize in helping resource parents address issues that arise with children who have experienced trauma.
“AJ couldn’t tell us what’s wrong, so we had to figure it out,” says Rose. As it turned out, AJ had high-sensory input needs. He feels safest and most comfortable with a lot of things going on: motion, sound, touch. If this isn’t happening in the environment, he will create it. The couple noticed that AJ liked to watch the yard ornaments in the backyard spinning in the wind, so they bought a few more for him to watch. He had trouble sleeping, so Rose and Phoebe purchased a weighted blanket and sound machine, and looked for toys or books that would provide sensory stimulation.
From there things improved dramatically. AJ had already started to bond with Rose, but then began to connect with Phoebe. He was able to communicate using signs, was laughing more, and would give hugs and blow kisses. “Our Clinical Case Manager was like, Oh my god, he’s a totally different child,” Phoebe says.
Rose and Phoebe say that the training they received from Angels Foster Family Network prepared them well for the challenges of serving as resource parents. “Training is intense and really opens your eyes to the cycle of fostering,” Rose says. “It was great to have Angels explain what will happen and what to expect. The resources they offer supported us in helping AJ thrive and blossom.”
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