Amanda and Joe have something very important in common with parents whose children are in the foster care system. They know what it’s like to have a child they love taken from them suddenly. The couple discovered this after their first Angels placement. Little Z was reunified with his family after four months in their care. "The court came in and told us this was our new reality and we didn’t know where he was going, just that we had three days until he reunified with his family,” Amanda explains. “Having this experience gave us more empathy for birth parents.”
The family, which includes their 3-year-old daughter Serafina, decided to go to the zoo and try to squeeze in as much fun as they could over their last weekend with Little Z. As heartbreaking as it was for them to say goodbye, Amanda and Joe have no regrets. “It’s difficult,” Amanda admitted, “but all important things are.”
Joe says serving as a resource family allows infants and toddlers to have a restart in life. “They were heading down a path with hurdles,” he says. Not only did Joe and Amanda provide a safe and loving home, but they also noticed Little Z was delayed in reaching developmental milestones, such as rolling over, crawling, and using fingers to eat. Through Angels, the couple was able to access a variety of services designed to help Little Z catch up with his peers.
The long-lasting impact of fostering became even more apparent when their second placement, a toddler they call “KC,” came into Amanda and Joe’s lives a year ago. He pulled hair, bit people, and tore books. KC was not responding to his name or other loud noises in or around the home.
Amanda, who is a special education teacher for deaf and hard-of-hearing children, suspected that KC had issues with his hearing and began teaching him sign language. She brought him to a hearing specialist, where he was diagnosed with hearing loss. Amanda advocated for an ear tube placement surgery, which turned out to be transformational. “He is a different child now,” she confessed. “Now he understands the world, talks, sings songs, and is an active participant in his life rather than life happening to him.”
Since the procedure, KC’s behavior at daycare has also significantly improved. He loves to read and treats his books with loving care. His favorites are “Ten Little Lady Bugs,” “Over in the Meadow,” and “Gossie.” KC also enjoys bath time, so when Amanda and Joe introduced waterproof books for the tub, KC was elated.
Amanda and Joe have two pieces of advice for people considering being resource parents. First, think about the time commitment. Both work full-time and say fostering is another full-time job. Each case can be time-intensive and it can be a challenge balancing time, especially with both parents working, therapy services, medical appointments, and multiple family visits a week.
The second piece of advice is that resource parents are the children’s greatest advocates. Amanda said, “You must be OK saying, ‘No, this is not acceptable.’ Sometimes it’s uncomfortable but you have to go to bat for them.”
While these challenges are difficult, they say Angels Foster Family Network provides support and resources to help through these challenges. “It’s hard but it made us a stronger family,” says Amanda.
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