Karen's friends think she’s a little crazy to foster infants and toddlers as a single woman with a full-time career. Then again, they’ve always thought that of her, she says with a laugh.
Good-natured ribbing aside, Karen’s friends and family are very supportive of her decision to foster. She moved to North County to be closer to her family. And her friends understand that when Karen sets her mind to something – like raising children – she’s going to do it. “I was determined to have kids in my life, even if it was for a short time,” she says.
Her most pleasant surprise, however, was how supportive her employer has been. A program manager at Rady School of Management at U.C. San Diego, Karen says having a flexible workplace has been key. She began fostering six years ago, though she took a three-year break, and has had five placements. Each time a new infant or toddler is placed in her care, her employer lets Karen work from home as the child gets used to his or her new setting.
Children who come into the foster care system are traumatized and need time to learn to trust the adults in their lives. Karen’s last placement, “Energizer Bunny” (or E.B. for short) came to her on his first birthday. “The first night, he was quiet, then the first full day he screamed at the top of his lungs whenever I turned my back, even if it was to get a glass of water or pick up a book for him,” she explains. But three days later, E.B. was smiling and laughing. “He figured out quickly that I was someone he could trust and rely on.”
E.B. was in Karen’s care for nearly five months before he reunified with his birth father. In that time, Karen watched him blossom. “Every morning when he woke up, I would open the blinds and we would make shadow puppets,” she says, smiling at the memory. “He loves bubble baths and pop-up books, so much that he would pull them off the shelf. He is quite a character.”
As for her relationship with E.B.’s birth father, Karen says it was very amicable. “I texted him often, especially if E.B. was sick,” she says, adding that the relationship was less complicated than others because the baby had not been removed from the father’s custody. In every case, though, Karen is rooting for the parents to do what they need to reunify with their children. “Everyone is human and makes mistakes,” she says. “You hope that they love their children enough to change, and I’ve been fortunate to always work with parents who do.”
Karen says it’s always difficult to say goodbye to the children she fosters, but it is worth the tears. “The most valuable thing is knowing I made a difference in their lives. Even if they don’t remember, I know I had an impact.”
To other single people considering fostering, Karen says, “Balancing all of the appointments and requirements of fostering as a single parent can be challenging. But knowing how much support is available through the Angels network, and realizing that you are not alone in this journey, makes it so much easier.”
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