Ashley has been fostering two-year-old “Gremmy” for nearly a year and has some advice for people considering opening their hearts and homes to children in need. First, build a community that can support you, especially if you’re single or don’t have extended family nearby. And second, welcome the transformation this experience will have on you.
For Ashley, her support largely comes from the North Coast Church, where she volunteers as a greeter. She has also been able to count on those outside of the congregation. When Ashley completed her training and certification with Angels Foster Family Network, her Clinical Case Manager invited friends and family to gather and share what role they would be willing and able to play in supporting Ashley. Some offered to provide babysitting and meals. Others could provide a listening ear. “There are friends who I can go over to their homes and camp out while all of our kids all play together for the day,” she says. “I previously wasn’t very good at asking for help, but I very quickly learned my limits and how to advocate for both of us.”
She says people came out of the woodwork to help her in unexpected ways. Ashley’s brother was initially apprehensive because he was afraid it would be too painful to grow attached to a child he would eventually say goodbye to. “That changed very quickly,” she says with a laugh. “Your boundaries are blown away by love and joy and you find you can handle far more than you thought you could.”
Ashley understood that fostering young children would challenge her but didn’t fully realize how deeply it would transform her life. “The evolution of myself, my priorities, and my flexibility has been incredible.” She had been focused on her career and stability, which are still important, but have taken a backseat to fostering. “I was ready for my priorities to be shifted and to invest in a little person.”
Although Ashley found the Angels Foster Family Network’s certification process helpful, she says nothing can ever truly prepare a person for fostering. Angels shares this with prospective foster parents as early as the general information session. “It’s messy and complicated, and I make mistakes every day, but my willingness to be molded in the way I need has grown at a crazy rate,” she says.
The best part of fostering is time with Gremmy. Ashley smiles as she describes the toddler’s antics. She makes a multitude of faces, from wide-eyed, open-mouthed surprise to a silly scowl. “She loves to put her nose to yours and cross her eyes,” Ashley says. “I call these the many faces of Gremmy.” The toddler enjoys dancing to “Baby Shark” and “Dance Monkey.” Her first words to Ashley, in fact, were, “Come, come, dance!” She is also obsessed with sunglasses, hats, and shoes, especially her pink sparkly ones. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she grew up to be a comedian,” Ashley says. “She’s an imitator beyond belief and she’s eager to learn and try new things.”
In fostering, the goal is always reunification with a child’s birth family, and that is the path Gremmy and her mother are on. It will be difficult for Ashley, but she knows she has made a difference in a child’s life – and her own. “It’s not my job to control anything, but rather to set my sights on relationships and make connection the priority.”
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