All resource families are unique, but there’s one thing they all share in common. At some point, someone will tell them that they could never foster a child because they would get too attached. Angels Resource Parents of the Month, Julie and Jon, realize that these folks mean well, but also want to let them know that they’re stronger than they might think. “I tell them, I bet you can,” Julie says, sitting in the family room of their warm and cozy home in East County, her husband Jon and Angels’ foster placement “Tommy” in her arms.
She recalls a time early in her family’s fostering journey when a woman asked if Julie would be devastated when Tommy reunified with his parents “If I’ve done my job right, I’ll be gutted,” she replied. Despite knowing this, however, Julie and Jon agreed that they needed to jump in fully and not hold back to protect their hearts. Getting attached is part of what resource families sign up for because it greatly benefits the emotional development of infants and toddlers. “Life isn’t just about you; it’s about standing in the gap while his big people figure things out,” she adds.
Tommy has been with their family, which includes two school-aged children, for more than two years. Julie and Jon decided to foster after learning about the shortage of safe and loving homes for young children in San Diego. “We’d talked about adoption, but we wanted to go where the need was biggest,” Jon says. “This wasn’t about us rounding out our family. Fostering is about serving others.”
The couple says they know many people who have adopted children, and it’s a wonderful choice for them. Jon and Julie had a different goal, though. “We wanted to help a child right away and there isn’t a long list for children in foster care,” Julie says.
Jon says that the death of his sister reminded them of how unpredictable life can be. “We asked ourselves when a good time to serve others is and the answer was now, now is the time.”
Their daughter was on board right away, but their son was hesitant at first. He felt nervous about bringing a baby into their home because he didn’t know the parents’ names. That quickly changed, though, when Julie and Jon brought home tiny baby Tommy.
Tommy experienced prenatal trauma so the first week of his life was spent in the neonatal intensive care unit at a local hospital. He was held for feedings but had little human contact beyond that. When Julie and Jon first brought Tommy home, they held him while he slept, which was almost constantly. Now Tommy is a busy toddler who plays hide-and-seek and tag, rides his baby bike, and bangs on electric drums. “He’s the perfect child for us,” Jon says.
They all see him as part of the family. Through fostering, the children are better able to think about the needs of others. “It’s been excellent,” Jon says. “We worked really hard to get him and he’s touched our lives.”
The entire family has grown very attached to Tommy. And they wouldn’t have it any other way.
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