With a Lifetime of Love to Give, They Knew Fostering Was the Right Fit

Amber and James had been trying to start a family for five years when they decided to stop fertility treatments, and just focus on being a happy couple without children. Still, something tugged at their hearts as they felt they had parental love to give. Then, at a family gathering, everything changed. They met up with a cousin who was fostering children and was clearly loving the experience.

“Seeing my cousin form this bond was amazing,” Amber recalls. "Hearing her talk about it, we thought, could we do that?" Their most pressing question was how hard it would be to say goodbye after growing attached to children. They also had zero first-hand parenting experience. Amber's cousin laid their fears to rest. "She told us that we're here to love them right now," says Amber. And really, no one has parenting experience until they actually parent.

James was on board right away. “I thought we could do this because we have so much love to give.” When he and Amber attended the information session at Angels Foster Family Network, they knew fostering was right for them. James says, “I liked that they really prepare you, and don’t fluff anything up. You know everything that could possibly happen and you’ve got support.”

For example, every Angels foster family has a clinical case manager who is available any time, day or night. There are continuing education classes, support groups, and playgroups so foster parents can bounce ideas off one another and create a positive experience for everyone. “There’s never a feeling like, let’s get you done and on your way,” Amber says. James nods in agreement and adds, “Angels is very personal, and they want you to focus on one foster child (or sibling set) at a time, which makes sense.”

After Amber and James completed their training with Angels, they did a weeklong “respite care” while another Angels foster family was on vacation. Then the couple was asked to care for a toddler, a little girl they call “Bug,” who is still with them today. A bundle of giggling energy, Bug enjoys tumbling class, playgroup, trips to Legoland, and the zoo. James smiles and adds that Bug hosts a perfect tea party as well. “She pretends to offer tea and coffee, and offers cream and sugar too.”

Life with Bug is the easy part of fostering. The challenge for Amber and James has been that they had hoped for a friendlier relationship with Bug's biological mother. "In training, we heard about people mentoring bio parents and forming close friendships with the families, but we got an unusual case," says Amber.

The couple appreciates having such a broad support network to work through these issues. “I love the diversity of families at Angels,” Amber says. “You’ve got families with children of their own, people like us without their own, and so many different backgrounds.”

Amber and James encourage people to look into fostering to see if it’s a good fit for them. Their only warning: Make sure you have a strong marriage, especially if you don’t already have children. “This will change the marriage,” says Amber. The good news is that fostering often strengthens family connections. “It’s made our marriage better,” James says.

As for getting attached to foster children, James tells people that if they weren't getting attached to Bug, they would just be babysitting. "And fostering is not babysitting.” Amber smiles and wipes away a tear. “These kids need to get attached, they need to know someone wants to go to the park with them and is interested in them. If it’s not us, who in the world is going to do this?”

Interested in fostering, too? 

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