This Resource Couple Gained Strength as a Couple by Serving as a Resource Family

Martha and Juan sit on the large deck of their Chula Vista home that overlooks the San Diego Bay and Pacific Ocean. They smile as they share stories about “Bebito,” the toddler who has been in their care for nearly a year. His tiny sneakers hang on a clothesline overhead while the boy is at a nearby park, visiting his mother. Bebito’s mother has a parenting coach with her, has been taking classes, and is on the path to reunification with her son, which is the goal of foster care.

The couple says their relationship has grown while serving as a resource family because they’ve each had a chance to watch each other nurture Bebito. “I’ve seen a different facet of Juan. He has more patience than I thought,” says Martha. “And he changes diapers, which I didn’t expect.”

“Neither did I,” Juan says, affably. He says he loves coming home to Martha’s reports of what Bebito did that day. He clearly admires how she’s taken to caring for Bebito. Juan says that when he returns home from work, Martha likes to share what she and Bebito have done together each day, the progress the child has made, and new things she’s learned about child development.

Flashback to week one of Martha and Juan’s fostering journey and the scene looked quite different. “I was crying, thinking, What am I doing? Everything was a mess – the kitchen table, places where we played – I didn’t know when I could make time to clean and shower or cook meals,” Martha recalls. Then, their Angels Foster Family Network Clinical Case Manager came to visit and told Martha she would come by every week to support her as well as Bebito – and that she was available by phone any time. “I was so grateful that there was someone who could relate and was there for me. I kept a list of all of my questions for her.”

Martha was impressed that there were so many resources for children in foster care, one of them being an infant education class for her and Bebito. Every week, a child development specialist observes Martha and Bebito play, then explains the child’s nonverbal cues. She also offers tips on games and body language that foster trust in infants. In addition Bebito has access to a wide array of therapeutic services that are offered at no cost to resource families. 

Before Martha and Juan opened their home to Bebito, they completed a thorough education and training program through Angels. “The whole training was tough, but good because you felt really prepared. They kind of scare you a bit and truthfully everything they told us could happen did, but then it got easy quick,” says Juan.

Martha and Juan know it will be painful to say goodbye to Bebito, but are rooting for the boy’s mother. The couple explains that their relationship with Bebito’s mother is a positive one, but her trust had to be earned over time. “That first visit, she told me to take good care of him and I realized this must be so hard for her to hand over her child to strangers,” Martha recalls. “Now she sees we care for him and bring him to visits well groomed. She’s warmed up to us.” Bebito’s mother also appreciates that Martha and Juan can speak to the child in Spanish, and share a common culture.

Serving as a resource family has come with a steep learning curve, but Martha and Juan say it is worth the effort. “We love him so much,” Martha says. “He was such a happy baby and now he’s really thriving.” Saying goodbye will be heartbreaking, they both know. But they focus on something they heard in an Angels video they saw online. A resource family explained that fostering is about getting attached to children because it’s best for their emotional growth and sense of safety. Their role is clear, Martha says. “We are a bridge between children and their families.”