When Sharlie and Ryan attended an Angels Foster Family Network information session three years ago, they were told not only about the great need for resource families for infants and toddlers in San Diego County, but they also heard about everything that could go wrong with a foster placement. But instead of being deterred, Sharlie and Ryan left feeling more certain than ever that serving as resource parents was the right choice for them.
Sharlie says that during the session her heart was beating fast with excitement, but she worried that Ryan may have been discouraged by some of the worst-case scenarios presented. The opposite happened. “My big takeaway was that this was what we were supposed to do,” Ryan says. “There is a great need, so fostering was a way to serve the community and do good. It’s a win-win because we want more children in our lives and in our home,” he explains.
The couple has a 15-year-old son, Harrison, who always wanted a sibling. Sharlie and Ryan wanted that as well, but medical issues prevented them from conceiving again. They considered adoption before learning about serving as resource parents from another Angel's family, who had a positive experience with fostering through the agency. They decided to explore Angels and have been a resource family for more than two years.
With them now are two brothers, baby “Angel” and toddler “Star,” who have been in their home for five months. Harrison enjoys playing with and reading to the boys. He even helped his parents unpack his old toys and clothes to share. “Fostering has given our family an overwhelming sense of fulfillment and a greater capacity for love,” Ryan says.
Their first placement was an infant, “Isiah,” who Sharlie and Ryan picked up at a local hospital's Neonatal Intensive Care Unit when he was one week old. He stayed with the family for 17 months. They grew very attached to Isiah and saying goodbye was difficult. Sharlie says this means they did their job well. “It was so hard for us, but every child deserves to be safe and loved,” she says. “I would rather go through the heartache a million times than give up the chance to have had him in our lives.”
Although the family was warned about worst-case scenarios in serving as resource parents, Sharlie and Ryan had the best-possible fostering outcome. Isiah was reunified with his family – and they plan to stay connected to one another. “Isiah and his grandmother are part of our family and we love them,” Sharlie says. “On reunification day, we were all hugging and crying.” It was one of the hardest days of their lives.
After Isiah reunified with his family, Sharlie and Ryan took a three-month break from fostering to heal from the loss. Sharlie even went on a retreat to recuperate from the heartbreak. And yet, they elected to foster again because the benefits far outweigh the cost. “The loss feels like a death, but like a death, you always would rather have had that person in your life for a short time than never at all,” she says. “But unlike death, the children are not gone forever, and we have helped them form healthy attachments during a difficult time in life. We want our life to have a purpose, and fostering is one way we do that.”
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