A lot of people live in Sara and Tony’s East County home. They don’t have a particularly large family: there’s their son, six-year-old Gabe, and a toddler sibling set “Jet” and “Tyson” who are being fostered with them. But covering every inch of their dining room wall are framed photos of many of the 19 children they have fostered through Angels Foster Family Network over the past decade. The wall of fame also includes photos of the children with their parents after reunification, as well as the group gatherings Sara and Tony host at their home.
“Christmas is my absolute favorite,” says Sara as she displays the wall calendar she and Tony have created. “Here’s all of us celebrating Christmas together, and then we do an experience. Last year we took everyone to Medieval Times and next year we’re doing the Pirate Experience.” In addition to the featured photo of the month, many of the days on the calendar grid include faces of children on their birthdays, snapshots of their arrival on anniversaries, and notes celebrating their reunifications. Jotted in pen are dates of soccer games, school plays, and birthday parties Sara and Tony will attend.
Not every family chooses to stay connected. Some parents want to put a difficult time behind them, but for those who remain in touch with “Mama Sara and Daddy Tony” and their little “brozens,” a new branch of their family tree has sprouted.
Sara and Tony have been very intentional about establishing their roles and expectations with the children’s parents from Day One. “We tell them we are not there to replace them. We are their biggest cheerleaders,” Sara says. “We tell them we know they are the experts on their children and ask about favorite foods, shows and bedtime rituals.”
“Once they realize we’re not there to take away their kids, you can feel the relief,” Tony adds. Sara says most of the parents they have met were in the foster care system themselves. “They love their children, and they’ve made bad choices, but they’re good people,” she explains.
For the most part, parents have been receptive to Sara and Tony. One incident makes Sara’s voice catch and eyes tear. She recalls how she took her first placement to visit her mother in a sober-living facility and the little girl referred to Sara as “Mama Sara.” Another resident retorted that the mother shouldn’t allow her child to call another person “Mama.” Instead, the mother replied that her daughter was very lucky to have two mothers and two fathers right now. Sara says, “That first case changed us, and her mother made us who we are.”
That’s not to say every case has led to such bonds. Tony gives a self-deprecating chuckle and says, “Believe it or not, some parents did not like us.” But for those who accepted the post-reunification support, there have been added benefits. The parents have formed a community where they can talk to each other about parenting strategies and staying sober. They can always call on Sara and Tony – not only for advice and visits, but to invite them to school plays, birthday parties and soccer games. And, of course, there’s the standing invitation to Christmas dinners and outings Sara and Tony plan.
Only five people currently live at Sara and Tony’s house, but 19 children and their parents have a permanent place in this home. Should Sara and Tony ever need a reminder of this, all they need to do is look at the smiling photographs on the wall.
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