Holding a downy-headed infant they call “Judah,” who has just awakened from his nap, Shelby and Michael recall their experiences serving as a resource family for three placements over the past year. Their first was “Zao,” a baby girl they picked up from the hospital as a newborn and fostered for 10 months. There was no communication from her family for the first several months, then the father decided to work toward reunification with his daughter.
“Although it was difficult for us to say goodbye, seeing how happy Zao and her father were on reunification dayreminded us why we do this,” says Shelby. “We frequently remind ourselves that the love, stability, and attachment we gave her during those 10 months will stay with her forever.”
Though the couple says reunification can be heartbreaking, they also agree it’s worth it because of the great need for stable, loving homes for infants and toddlers in the San Diego County foster care system. “Once I learned how many children Angels has to turn away, I just couldn’t say no,” Michael recalls.
Two weeks after Zao reunified with her father, Angels asked if Shelby and Michael were ready for another placement, this time two brothers, both toddlers. In many ways, they were typical little boys who played rough and loved the outdoors. But neither slept well at night and needed either Shelby or Michael to stay in the bedroom until they fell asleep. The younger brother suffered from acute food insecurity, grabbing food from others, eating huge portions, and stuffing inedible objects, like rocks and dirt, into his mouth. “It was definitely concerning, so we brought it up with Angels and modeled that we only eat at the table,” Shelby says. The boys were in Shelby and Michael’s care for 20 days until they reunified with their grandparents.
Now, the couple’s third placement, Judah, has been with them for one month and no family members have stepped forward to reunify yet. “We foster to foster but are open to growing our family through adoption if that’s what is best,” Shelby says.
Angels offers support for resource families that are committed to fostering infants and toddlers while their families work toward reunification. Most of the time, families successfully reunify with their children. Sometimes, however, children are placed for adoption, and Angels families may be asked if they would like to provide a "forever home" for the little ones. They are not sure where Judah will grow up but know that they are thrilled to care for him for as long as he needs.
Whatever the future holds for Shelby and Michael, they are grateful to have Angels’ support during their fostering adventure. “I don’t know that we would’ve survived our first placement without the support and guidance of Angels,” says Shelby. “Fostering frequently brings up more questions than answers and it was so nice to have Angels by our side to listen to our questions, guide us when difficulties arose with the case plan, and connect us with services when these little ones needed just a bit more than love.”
“This is the most impactful adventure we’ve been on together,” Michael says. “Once we say yes to a placement, we’re fully committed to their care.”
Shelby agrees. “While fostering has been our most challenging adventure, it’s also been our greatest. We’re like a lot of people, thought it would be too hard to reunify and say goodbye. And a lot of days still feel that way. But we also love seeing families come back together. The joy of a family coming back together outweighs the grief.”
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